Chuck Norris beat Weegee in a staring contest
Chuck Norris crossed the road.Nobody has dared to question his motives.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC as he claims that Law & Order are the names of his left and right legs.
Somebody once told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kill someone.This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake ever made.
Chuck Norris got burnt in the Boomerang Nebula.
The Universe is infinitely expanding.It is all trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
There are no steroids in baseball.Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, grill pr microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
A picture is worth one-thousand words.A Chuck Norris is worth ONE-BILLION words.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong in the Google search, it doesn't say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It will just tell you to run for your life.
Ok, I'll stop and give other people a chance, but first....
Cannot be defeated
Has more power than Weegee, Giygas and Tails Doll combined
Underestimate him and you die
Can do whatever the hell he wants to
Kings ask him to take over when they die
Never try to fight him
Only idiots insult him
Ready to kill anyone who opposes him
If there is an emergency with him...wait Chuck Norris doesn't have emergencies
Supercalifradgilisticexpialidociously made of EPIC WIN describes him
The Great CHUCK NORRIS
relly continue posting, :D well if you dont who will?
ANSWER: ME :D ok lets continue
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired
Leading hand sanitisers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
The Great Wall of China was originally made to keep Chuck Norris out.It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen Sandiego.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun....and won.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting.Hunting has a probability of failure.Chuck Norris goes KILLING.
Chuck Norris has two speeds:Walk and Kill.
Someone took a video of Chuck Norris when he was REALLY angry.The name of the video is Walker:Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Chuck Norris' show is called Walker:Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris does not run.
They wanted to make Chuck Norris toilet paper but it wouldn't take crap from anyone.
A snake once bit Chuck Norris and after 5 days of excruciating, agonising pain, the snake died.
Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to bath, dirt won't dare go near him
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night
Chuck Norris peals an onion and he doesent cry the onion does
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought that he made a mistake.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole birthday cake before he could be told that there was a stripper in it.
The only thing that can stand between a man and his Mountain Dew is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has beaten pacman and says the ending is fantastic.He won't tell anyone what happens!
When Chcuk Norris got to world 1-4 in Super Mario Bros., Toad said "Thank you, but our princess is in another- OH!Chuck Norris" and Chuck won the game.
Lord Voldemort tried the killing curse on Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris thought that there was a slight breeze out that day.
Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays Potato Chip.
Chuck Norris can easily tame the taste of Chipsticks.
A baby cries when (s)he is born because it knows it has entered a world with Chuck Norris.
The worst moment in a child's life isn't when (s)he finds out that Santa Clause isn't real, but when they find out that Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood he declines a syringe, but requests a shotgun and a bucket.
In the Guinness Book of Records, it doesn't show real records, just the closest people have gotten to what Chuck norris has.
Chuck Norris puts his credit card bill on his credit card.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends in a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack.Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.EVER.
I still have some
No one doesnt think Megan fox is hot, EXEPT Chuck norris
there is no evolution, just a list of creatures chuck norris has allowed to live.
Nobody really knows how fast and strong is chuck norris because no one has encountered him and survived.
Chuck norris has a respect for human life, unless it gets in his way.
Chuck norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Outer space exists because its afraid to live on the same planet as chuck norris.
Chuck norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck norris doesnt read books, He simply stares down at them until he gets all the information he wants.
Chuck norris does not sleep, he waits.
Chuck norris' hand is the only one that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck norris doesnt get frostbite, he bites frost.
Chuck norris can grind his coffee with his teeth and boil the water in his own rage.
Chuck norris can drink 3 gallons of milk in 10 seconds.
It takes 20 minutes for Chuck norris to wait 60 minutes.
The bermuda triangle was originaly the bermuda square, until Chuck norris round house kicked one of the corners off.
There is no weapon of ultimate destruction in Japan. Chuck norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck norris doesnt beleive in germany.
When Chuck norris is in a crouded area, he doesnt walk around people, he walks through them.
It takes 20 puppeteers to make chuck norris smile, but 2 to destroy an orphanage.
Chuck norris didnt appear in super smash bros brawl because a punch from him made more than 999%.
when Chuck norris played a tournament of golf, he marked all the holes as -3. then a man standed in front of him and told him, "hey, you cant mark holes as -3" then Chuck norris answered "Im Chuck norris" the man covered himself in gas and burned himself. He figured it would be less painful than a roundhouse kick from chuck norris. He recieved a kick anyway.
Okay, you kids have had your fun. MY turn:
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool DARES the virus to enter the machine.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack, even when he's playing poker.
When the Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses one chopstick.
Norris does not leave messages. He leaves warnings.
When you open up a can o' whoop-A*s, Norris jumps out.
The truth hurts, but it hurts a HELL of a lot more when it comes from Norris.
Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck norris counted to infinity-twice.
Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"
If Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
Norris knows the best Norris jokes ever, but he doesn't submit them online because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
The cheif export of Norris is pain.
Norris survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber.
Norris won the 1985 World Series of Poker with only a Joker, a "Get out of Jail Free" Card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green 4 from UNO.
If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Norris.
Geico saved 15% by switching to Norris.
If you see Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
Norris clogs the toilet when he takes a leak.
Norris cowboy boots are made of cowboys.
Norris doesn't get brain freeze. Slushees know when to back the hell off.
Norris talks in fourth person.
When Norris was in middle school his English teacher assigned his class an essay on what courage was. Norris just wrote his name on the paper and got an A+.
Jesus wears a bracelet that says WWCND.
Oxygen needs Norris in order to live.
To survive a nuclear bombing you must stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
Norris's dog knows to pick up his own droppings because Norris doesn't take crap from anyone.
Life is like a box of chocolaates. YOu never know when Norris is going to kill you.
Underneath China is an imprint of "Made by Chuck Norris."
Chuck norris' kicks are lethal because his leg is faster than the speed of light.
Chuck norris' urine can be bought in a can, we know it today as red bull.
If you can see Chuck norris, then he can see you, but if you cant see him, then you are probably a few seconds away from death.
Chuck norris tried the resistance of a high quality knife by trying to cut his finger. the result was a broken knife and a perfectly sane chuck norris.
What was going through the minds of chuck norris' victims before they died? Chuck norris' shoe.
Chuck norris' house costed him 20 cents and a roundhouse kick.
If you spell Chuck norris in scrable, you win for ever.
The following is a list of stuff chuck norris cant do.
Science changed when chuck norris was born. every time the scientists proved something impossible, Chuck norris proved it possible.
Chuck norris was originaly in a group called the 8 wonders of the world, but they took him out of that list because he belongs in a group called supreme lords of roundhouse kicks.
if you name 10 things Chuck norris cant do, then he will break into your house and show you he can do those things, then You will get a roundhouse kick.
Chuck norris had a class called a*s kicking 101. there were no survivors.
The big bang was actually Chuck norris roundhouse kicking space, thats why space is still running.
If you record Chuck norris roundhouse kicking someone in slow motion, then you will see that he drinks coffee, reads the news, and then makes 40 roundhouse kicks.
The goverment pays Chuck norris for living.
Everybody owes Chuck norris, because all the living people havent been roundhouse kicked, only dead people have been.
when people die, they go to hell, when hell dies, it goes to Chuck norris.
Chuck norris died 20 years ago, but the devil has no guts to tell him, because he knows he will get roundhouse kicked.
Chuck norris doesnt write books, the letters assemble themselves out of fear.
nothing can escape the strong pull of a black hole, exept chuck norris, he has eaten black holes, they taste like chiken.
The united states is the most powerful state because Chuck norris lives there.
When Chuck norris looks himself in a mirror, the mirror brakes because its smart enough to not be in the middle of 2 Chuck norris.
Aliens DO exist, they are just waiting for Chuck norris' death.
The only reason why the aliens conquered the world on independance day is because Chuck Norris was taking a break.
Chuck norris has six senses.
-The sense of touch
-The sense of smell
-The sense of taste
-The sense of sight
-The sense of Hear
-And finally the sense of when to give a Killing Roundhouse Kick.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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